Friday, February 13, 2009

FRIDAY THE 13TH

HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13th!!!

Today the remake of today's namesake makes its theatrical debut.

When I first heard news of this remake, I was apaulled at yet another unnecessary "classic "remake. However, the more I thought about it, well, the less I cared.

But here are a few thoughts:

1) IT'S NOT REALLY A REMAKE. This movie has hockey-mask-wearing Jason running around killing horny teenagers. The original movie didn't even have Jason in it. In the 2nd movie, Jason ran around with a creepy burlap sack over his head, only donning the hockey mask during the 3rd movie. So really, this feels like a "remake" of the entire series.

2) AREN'T THEY ALL REMAKES, REALLY? I mean, Friday the 13th Part 4-7 were pretty much "remakes" (rehash) of Part 3; Jason in hockey mask, killing horny teenagers, at Crystal Lake.

3) Just call this new one "FRIDAY THE 13th: PART 12". And mention "those murders that happened here 20/29 years ago".

4) Its a damn shame they couldn't have squeezed out another installment, then have this new one, this "reboot", this "Uber-Friday-The-13th" be Part 13. I mean, haven't we all been waiting - since we were kids - for that 13th part we just knew would eventually arrive and be the best Jason movie ever? Anyone....?......

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Noteworthy aspects of each film:

PART 1:
No Jason! Mrs. Vorhees is creepy! "Kill her. Kill her, Mommy!"
PART 2: Scary Jason! No hockey mask - creepy burlap sack with 1 eye hole. Mommy's mummified, decapitated head on the table-shrine.
PART 3: Jason gets the hockey mask. The series goes camp (pun!)
PART 4: Corey Feldman!!
PART 5: Jason copycat. Lame.
PART 6: Jason is resurrected by a metal rod and a lightning bolt!
PART 7: Telekinesis chick! Oh, and Bernie (as in Weekend at) is in this one, too.
PART 8: Like the Muppets, Jason Takes Manhattan.
PART 9: Freddy's glove makes an appearance!
PART 10: Jason in space! Gets "upgraded" to zombie cyborg. Absurdly delicious!
PART 11: Fights Freddy Krueger.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Part Six: Jason is resurrected by a metal rod and a lightning bolt!

By Arnold Horshack, no less.

Anonymous said...

I meant to say that Arnold Horschack was the other dude at the gravesite with a grown-up Tommy.

Jim said...

Ha, really? Awesome.

Yeah, its been...23 years since I saw that one!

Fantastic.

Anonymous said...

And one of the people that help kill "Imposter Jason" in Part 5? Dudley from "Diff'rent Strokes"!!!